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How to set boundaries and levels of appreciation

Boundaries: a line (real or invisible) that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

Respect: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Appreciation: recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.

I wish someone would have taught me the right way to be in a relationship before I got married. Literally teach me step by step. Not the “how to solve a fight over laundry” advice … I mean the serious stuff. The nitty gritty nasty part of marriage. Boundaries, lies, broken trust, lost of respect, ya know the stuff that is hardly ever fixable (Maybe).

My husband and I are having a pretty tough year and as sad as that is, I’m happy its tough and I'm happy it is happening. I never realized what a whole ⭕️ I had in my relationship until these hard times presented itself and not fun issues surfaced. Love is blinding people.

Anyways I have learned how important boundaries are. Boundaries don’t need to be negative in a relationship but should be encouraged and embraced. Setting up your boundaries might be uncomfortable but in the end extremely needed for your own sake.

Example 1, when Hubs and I fight I like to have some space for a few hours or days… like sleeping alone. Please don’t invade my space if I’m upset. This is my me time; time to get my thoughts 🧠 together and to think clearly. Does he understand this? Hell No. He pays the bills which means he owns the whole house which means he will enter any room at any time he wants(he has told me these exact words). That's cool I feel the exact same way. He wasn't respecting this boundary. So I changed the bedroom door lock. Was he mad? Hell yeah. Did he understand? Hell no.

I created this boundary, an imaginary line and asked him to please not cross it.

I'm not telling you to go around pissing of your husband, but take the first step. No one knows your husband better than you do. What will get his attention, to start drawing that imaginary boundary line.

Respect….. I also learned in these trying times once you loose respect for your spouse you loose the whole relationship. Most importantly you need to respect yourself and know your worth! In a healthy relationship, respect looks like:

  • Talking openly and honestly with each other (Not yelling)

  • Listening to each other

  • Valuing each other’s feelings and needs

  • Compromising

  • Speaking kindly to and about each other

  • Giving each other space

  • Supporting each other’s interests, hobbies, careers, etc.

  • Building each other up

I don’t even have anything more to write ✍️ It’s simple. No Respect = No Relationship.

Appreciate your spouse. Thank them for taking out the trash. Pay attention to the two or three times they have a clean kitchen when you get home. It’s not a lot but it’s something. Appreciate that. Women especially love to feel appreciated and thanked for everything they do. I bust my ass to keep my household together a little thanks goes along way.

My husband fixed a toilet today, a toilet I have been asking him to fix for months. Yes it took him a few months to do it but it got done. I appreciate this. He appreciates me when I do his laundry. Appreciating each other can be acknowledging each other in the tiny itsy-bitsy way... but it will go along way.

In a Healthy relationship appreciation looks like:

  • Listening. Give your spouse your undivided attention. Put the cell phone away when they talk.

  • Small Gestures. Take the dog out. Take out the trash. "Hey honey I got this today don't worry"

  • Acknowledgement. "hey I really appreciate you taking out the trash"

  • Enjoy each others company. No phones. Spend time Together!

These are hard topics to discuss but they are so healthy if you discuss them in the right way <3


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