This is a hard one but it’s all I got this week. It’s all that is on my brain 🧠. Are you married? Are you in a relationship? How do you know when it’s time to call it quits or it’s time to give it one last shot? I don’t know the answer. I’m not a counselor or a therapist. But I read a lot and I’ve been doing a lot of “soul” searching lately. Lets not forget my blog is to share my experiences with you
, with hopes of helping you. Even if it’s just a sigh of ”wow I’m not alone”. 🚨Repeat after me: You can’t work on your relationship if you aren’t willing to work on yourself. 🚨
Marriage/Relationships are a two way street 🚧. It involves two people and as much as you think “it’s not me” , I hate to break it to you sister/brother it’s probably some what you.
However this doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to stay in a marriage where you feel you are being disrespected, belittled, undermined, etc.
🛑Absolutely not. 🛑 Marriage is also about fairness, compromise, and respect.
My husband and I will always be best friends 🤫 but being partners is more than being BFF’s. When your together your wants need to align, your goals need to be on the same path, and your visions need to be similar. Sadly some people grow up and grow apart 😔. One spouse goes on a blue path and the other goes on the green path and both of your WANTS differ. Let me tell you It is really HARD being young and married. I don’t know how the old people did it in the old times … marrying so young… Young adults are hormonal and still developing. So trying to navigate through all these emotions and feelings within ourselves + our relationships is rough.
True story….This is happening to my husband and I. Our wants and goals are on opposite paths. We really aren’t sure how to align them.
Remember my article Communicating with Hubshttps://www.crazyandmarried.com/post/feeling-alone-in-your-relationships
#1 rule: NEVER argue via text during hard times. So we decided over breakfast talk https://www.crazyandmarried.com/post/breakfast-talk that we were going to take some time apart. Side comment: There are a lot of months and arguing in between this I’m just shortening the story to save writing space. For us there is no “apart“ moving out, or living separately. We just didn’t/don’t have that option. But we do have a spare room In the house so we did the next best option….he went upstairs and I stayed downstairs and we just took some time for ourselves. Ps you guys… there’s always a way. If you really want to try for your marriage YOU WILL FIND A WAY. Anyways time “apart” can be days, weeks, months, whatever you both feel is best.
This is how I figured
Out if my marriage
Was worth saving ….
Time apart allowed me to see my relationship birds-eye view. As I reflected and drowned in my thoughts I realized my husband and I can be flipping great together so how do we align our wants and goals? No idea! AND THEN..... we both started to realize there were some selfishness and respect issues in our marriage. Side comment: notice how I’m referring to “us both”. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not perfect in my relationship and neither is he. We are both the problem.
For me my marriage is 💯 worth trying to save. We have invested 10 years of love, laughter, sweat, children, pets, and a home 🏡 together. We also haven't utilizes all options or resources available to us to save this marriage. But I knew we can’t move forward with this marriage if we didn’t address the issues. So how do we fix that?
It's simple. We can’t. We need help. We need a third party to help guide us through this. It’s cool I’m not embarrassed. I love hubby and he loves me we just need little guidance. ♥️ So I started the search for a marriage counselor and I’m on week 4 and I finally found one. But that I have done in the last four weeks? I also decided to work on myself. How can I make small minor changes to how I react, act, talk, etc towards him that makes him feel some type of way? And guess what.…. he’s doing the same thing. In the last four weeks, we have both made minor changes in our behaviors to show we really want to try to make this work.
So I’m hoping we are on the road to recovery…. We shall see in a few months so stay tuned ♥️
But you guys… you both have to want to fix your marriage. It won’t work if only one person wants to try and the other is ready to be done. if you both want to try then maybe these tips will help you Tips:
communicate via in person.
do not tolerate disrespect or belittled (it’s okay to choose yourself in a nice way)
work on yourself
be open and receptive to feedback
try a therapist or a counselor
Listen to this post audio on my new podcast! Crazy & Married!